Into me you see

I feel my heart cracking open again.

I forgot that's what happens when you step forward into vulnerability.

I've been living much more vulnerably that I used to, and honestly its wonderful. The only scary part is when someone is even more vulnerable in response.

What now? This wasn't supposed to happen. Rejection is manageable---but mutual attraction---crap! lol.

I've been very honest and real with this guy. We've been through a lot together and seen each other through good times and not so good times.

I actually used to like him a lot. We had a fling a while back, but I was the one who was more interested than he. I think back then he was afraid of intimacy.

I'm just in a pickle because now he's the one after me. I established boundaries and standards, and he rose to them. He is being exceptionally considerate of me and respecting my every wish, being careful not to cross my boundaries. Taking me out to breakfast just because he wants to, and expecting nothing in return. Giving me guitar lessons, buying me coffee, taking me to a concert----the list goes on---all just as a friend because he wants to.

His heart is pure gold. He is open and willing to communicate. His communication skills are exceptional for a male, and his ability to express his feelings exquisite. He is ambitious, courageous, and constantly seeking out ways to become a better person.

Did I mention he is attractive?

His smile alluring. His eyes piercing.

The way he gently bites his tongue with a smile and tilts his head to the side when he is teased is nothing short of adorable.

So why my hesitation?

I think partially our history together makes me nervous. Having had feelings for him in the past that were all but crushed, it's difficult to want to put my heart out on the line again.

Also, as annoying as this sounds, I can't help but struggle with our differing views on life--even though there is a ton of overlap, our core values differ substantially.

This annoys me because the guys that I've come across with more similar core values flail in comparison to this guy. They don't know how to value a girl like he does.

I just have this strong desire for spiritual connection, as cheesy as it sounds.

I'm not exactly sure what that will look like---and I definitely don't want to be overly-spiritual, because I know God gave me a discernment for a purpose.

I'm just struggling because this is the second (for lack of a better word) "secular" guy that has raised up to my standards and proven that they have the all qualities that I am looking for.

So the question is, do I give him a second chance?

I want to be extraordinarily wise and careful in all my decisions at this point in my life, especially with dating. I don't want to close doors or open doors without the proper discernment.

So God, I give this to you. Lord, you know my heart and all it's desires. I trust You to direct my path.