Pain, Fear, and Love

Pain is but apart of the game, and to fear it would be a shame. Its nothing to fret as it temporary--and it reminds you that you gave your heart---one of the most beautiful gifts the world could ever receive.

Living in fear of pain means never loving--never becoming vulnerable--never allowing anyone to hurt you aka never allowing anyone to love you. Vulnerability is a beautiful necessity to intimacy (into-me-you-see). Unfortunately too often is this defenseless, naked place exploited. Thus, the fear deeming rational.

But fear will always take more than you are willing to give. It's deceiving with it's false sense of security. It makes you believe if you avoid opening up your heart, it will never hurt. The opposite is true. Not opening your heart to love will be the most painful experience of your life. You will lose without ever loving or being loved. You will sabotage what you want most because you are afraid of losing it. Fear of pain is undoubtedly  the greatest cause of pain. In fact, whatever you most fear, you empower to preserver. Don't partner with fear--partner with love.

Love casts out fear. Love covers a multitude of sin. Love is worth the risk. Love doesn't hurt--it doesn't cause pain.

Rejection hurts, deception hurts, betrayal hurts, but love does not cause pain; love is where joy abounds.

Revival

I am not living in it. I am not living in the fullness that I crave. I need revival---I need to come back to life. I feel dead---I feel empty---I feel broken.

It's amazing how you can spend a season in your life seeking out God and feel as if you have gained everything you need only to step into the next season and fall flat on your face. The more you find Him, the more you need Him.

"You can't control your circumstances, but you can control your stance."---not sure who deserves credit for this statement, but it's something I have heard often. I can only imagine how Job felt when everything that he loved was stripped away from him yet he still turned to God. When circumstances go wrong, I get angry with God----how could He let this happen? How could He turn His back?

Trust me. 

That still small voice again. I know you are good, God, and that you are faithful even to the unfaithful. But I am fearful. I am weak.

I am Perfect Love and I am Strong. I will hold you. 

What about forgiveness God, how can I forgive those who have hurt me the most? Those who have wounded me again and again----how can I forgive them?

Just as I have forgiven you. 

God, you sent your Son to die---he had to pay a steep price. Will I have to pay such a high price for someone else's wrong?

Love includes long suffering, and I will hold you every step of the way. 

I have given my word to love this man---and love this man I will.

New Year is risky business

The New Year is a great time to reflect the direction of your life and re-calibrate where needed. At the end of this year, I find that I have most certainly grown and that my life has taken turns I never would have expected. Overall, I am satisfied. Even though my marriage thus far has been "rough" to say the least, I ask myself---given all the same circumstances---would I do it again? And the answer I determined is "yes".

Love is a risk. There is no certainty when you combine your life with another. That individual person is powerful and can choose to leave at any time. They can choose to be a completely different person and they are free to make whatever choices they would like. When you get married you assume that the person you are entrusting your heart to will take the utter most care of it. They will protect you, provide for you, and love  you with all that is within them---well that is what most of us women hope for anyway. Are those hopes false or foolish? I don't think in the least---but you have to know that there is a risk.

There is a risk that the person you know and love will change---and maybe into someone you don't really care for. There is a risk that the person will stop loving you---or have  a change of heart. There is a risk that the person will hurt you and not look out for your best interest. The list of risks goes on.

But I do believe that you  must take this risk. You haven't lived until you have given yourself to vulnerability simply for the chance of intimacy. Few actually have the deep level of intimacy that we all crave, but those who find it I am sure will tell you that it is all worth it.

Marriage does not alleviate your feelings of being alone, nor does it solve all your personal problems that already exist. In fact, it brings everything to the surface. I hope you can tolerate the worst parts of you, because everything will be exposed in marriage---everything.

My advice for those still single, is to clean up your act. Clean up the ugly areas in your life that you have stuffed away and hidden for no-one to see. Those parts of you that you don't like about yourself. Learn how to love yourself before you try and get married. If you can't love yourself, how can you be able to receive love from anyone? You will love your neighbor, and your spouse, the same as you love yourself---so if you are constantly criticizing and comparing yourself---you will also do this to your partner. So be the best you, and attract the best them. But even if you do this,there is still no guarantee that you will find love. If there was, it wouldn't be a risk.