It's nice to have time to sit and simply think about my life. Time to reflect the past, enjoy the present, and ponder the future.
There are many dreams I have for my life, but they seem to be vague, unrelated, and in no particular direction.
I want my life to be a wild adventure full of creativity and excitement. It's amazing to think that I'm on the journey to becoming the person I want to be in this world. I am stepping into my destiny---one little step at a time.
My future depends on the decisions I make today. Who I am depends on who I chose to be.
For me, it's difficult to find an area to focus on. It seems as if there is so much I want to do, and not enough time to do it. I feel as if I need to chose something and just go---just do it. I want to just go for it. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
The great realization is that there is no formula. I am free to be my own person and it doesn't have to look like anyone else that has come before me.
I am ready to be passionate. I am ready to fight for my dreams. To fight for my destiny.
My life is worth living. My life is precious. My life is meaningful. My life is an adventure.
And it's not because of what I do---it's simply because of who I am.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Friday, January 21, 2011
Surprise, surprise
Yesterday I was contacted by someone whom I used to despise.
I remember being ridiculed by this individual for various reasons---my faith being one of them.
He was a junior in high school when I was a freshman. He was popular upperclassman, and I was timid fresh meat.
He had a charming demeanor with his bright blues eyes and innocent smile. You could see in his eyes the depth that lay beneath, but it often was hidden by a boy who wanted to be accepted by his peers--and having depth was never socially acceptable for a youth of his stature. All the girls fell for his charm but I resisted it because to me, actions speak louder than words. I saw the way he would tease and belittle people and I wasn't about to let an attractive young man woo me from my morality.
"Hey I was thinking about you the other day" he wrote on facebook chat, "there was a chaplain who gave us a bible and my buddies and I were reading it...one of them became a christian..."
He is currently in the Marine Corps serving in Afganistan when he wrote this to me. I haven't talked to his guy in years.....the last thing I remember of him was that he yelled "QUITTER!" to me as I walked the hallways of high school after I quit the track team before I moved to Redding. I remember feeling humiliated. Not sure if I've talked to him since then.
I remember having a four hour discussion with him on a bus trip back from an away football game. He was basically trying to convince me that my beliefs were wrong and I was to determined to defend my beliefs. Lets just say the conversations didn't go well.
I had no idea what to say to this guy who used to intimidate me in high school and is now serving our country in Afghanistan. I was delighted that he thought of me because of the christian ordeal, it definitely made me chuckle--and there is no sense in holding a grudge against silly high school drama---so I engaged him in polite conversation.
His stories were mind boggling. I guess its true what they say---all is fair in love or war.
Stories of his life seem so unfair.
Tragedy, trauma, tribes, and tribulations.
He's definitely grown leaps and bounds since I last saw him.
I'm still in awe over the whole encounter. I feel incredibly proud of this guy who chose to step out of his comfort zone and put his life on the line for his country. I feel my heart going out to him in his heart ache and pain he's encountered. I empathize with him.
I choose to forgive instead of be bitter of the way he treated me in the past so I can embrace who he is now. I'm thankful that I get to see the change in him and be able to converse with him while he remains in the hardships of Afghanistan life.
He helps me remember how short life is and how much I have to be thankful for. He tells me of the frequent deaths he encounter and his immunity to the thought of dying. To know that life is precious and it's wonderful to live right now out loud---being all we were created to be.
Free to be.
Thank you Lord for your incredible provision, peace, joy, hope, faith, and love you've given to me. It's only by your grace that I am incredibly blessed. Please protect J******'s mind, body, and spirit as he serves in Afghanistan. Lord that you would comfort him and his friends---give them overwhelming peace, joy, faith, hope, and love. Thank you, Father, for you care and for this encounter.
I remember being ridiculed by this individual for various reasons---my faith being one of them.
He was a junior in high school when I was a freshman. He was popular upperclassman, and I was timid fresh meat.
He had a charming demeanor with his bright blues eyes and innocent smile. You could see in his eyes the depth that lay beneath, but it often was hidden by a boy who wanted to be accepted by his peers--and having depth was never socially acceptable for a youth of his stature. All the girls fell for his charm but I resisted it because to me, actions speak louder than words. I saw the way he would tease and belittle people and I wasn't about to let an attractive young man woo me from my morality.
"Hey I was thinking about you the other day" he wrote on facebook chat, "there was a chaplain who gave us a bible and my buddies and I were reading it...one of them became a christian..."
He is currently in the Marine Corps serving in Afganistan when he wrote this to me. I haven't talked to his guy in years.....the last thing I remember of him was that he yelled "QUITTER!" to me as I walked the hallways of high school after I quit the track team before I moved to Redding. I remember feeling humiliated. Not sure if I've talked to him since then.
I remember having a four hour discussion with him on a bus trip back from an away football game. He was basically trying to convince me that my beliefs were wrong and I was to determined to defend my beliefs. Lets just say the conversations didn't go well.
I had no idea what to say to this guy who used to intimidate me in high school and is now serving our country in Afghanistan. I was delighted that he thought of me because of the christian ordeal, it definitely made me chuckle--and there is no sense in holding a grudge against silly high school drama---so I engaged him in polite conversation.
His stories were mind boggling. I guess its true what they say---all is fair in love or war.
Stories of his life seem so unfair.
Tragedy, trauma, tribes, and tribulations.
He's definitely grown leaps and bounds since I last saw him.
I'm still in awe over the whole encounter. I feel incredibly proud of this guy who chose to step out of his comfort zone and put his life on the line for his country. I feel my heart going out to him in his heart ache and pain he's encountered. I empathize with him.
I choose to forgive instead of be bitter of the way he treated me in the past so I can embrace who he is now. I'm thankful that I get to see the change in him and be able to converse with him while he remains in the hardships of Afghanistan life.
He helps me remember how short life is and how much I have to be thankful for. He tells me of the frequent deaths he encounter and his immunity to the thought of dying. To know that life is precious and it's wonderful to live right now out loud---being all we were created to be.
Free to be.
Thank you Lord for your incredible provision, peace, joy, hope, faith, and love you've given to me. It's only by your grace that I am incredibly blessed. Please protect J******'s mind, body, and spirit as he serves in Afghanistan. Lord that you would comfort him and his friends---give them overwhelming peace, joy, faith, hope, and love. Thank you, Father, for you care and for this encounter.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Insanity or spontaneity ?
Yesterday I was invited to go to Mammoth-- and we're leaving tomorrow.
I love that I have the freedom to spontaneously go on a trip to Mammoth----however I have this question in my mind that keeps arising---It sounds a bit like my mom's voice.
Is it wise to go?
This question particularly is looking at my financial situation. I have no steady income. Trips cost money.
Do I have the money to go? Yes.
Do I want to keep draining my savings account? Not particularly.
I have been extraordinarily provided for financially throughout my life---and throughout my seasons of unemployment. God has ALWAYS provided the means for me---the job, the income, the provisions---whatever it may be---so questioning God's provision feels wrong. Finances is something that I never want to be consumed with because I know how it can completely control people----and thus they become slaves of what they want.
I can live happily with very little. Having abundance is something I thank God for every day---because He is a God of more than enough. I don't have to go on this trip--but I feel like it would be a good opportunity--and I know that God takes delight in me and that which I take delight in.
I just want to make sure I'm being a good steward of that which he has given me. Just because He has provided for me, doesn't mean that I have permission to go live frivolously. I want to live intentionally.
I want this trip to Mammoth to have purpose. I want this trip to be an investment into relationships. I want to find a way to bless the people I encounter on my trip just as God has blessed me. I want to sew what I've reaped----sounds backwards a bit---but if I've reaped juicy yummy fruit from many people that came before me---so I want to plant the seeds of that fruit so others can take pleasure in delicious fruit as well.
It's a process that I'm learning about--but I don't ever want to feel entitled to that which I've been given in the past. It is a gift---and I am forever thankful for my inheritance---I'm not talking specifically about finances here although it plays it role---but my inheritance of the life I've been given in general: the community established for me, the breakthrough of my ancestors, the culture of honor establish, ect---many of these things others laid the foundations for, and I got to live in the building they worked hard and sacrificed to build. I don't want to take it for granted---I want to steward the building and make it successful and purposeful. To bless people with it, and to help it prosper even more. Okay, so this is an odd metaphor, but I just dislike how many of the people in my generation, including me, take so much for granted because everything has been handed to us on a silver platter. It time we start stewarding that which we've been given.
So, going off on my tangent, I just want to make sure that me going on a trip isn't being frivolous and irresponsible. I honestly don't even know what is going to happen on this trip, but I feel the grace to go. So it's an adventure where I can be intentional in investing in others. I am excited to see how God uses me this week! Here I come Mammy!
I love that I have the freedom to spontaneously go on a trip to Mammoth----however I have this question in my mind that keeps arising---It sounds a bit like my mom's voice.
Is it wise to go?
This question particularly is looking at my financial situation. I have no steady income. Trips cost money.
Do I have the money to go? Yes.
Do I want to keep draining my savings account? Not particularly.
I have been extraordinarily provided for financially throughout my life---and throughout my seasons of unemployment. God has ALWAYS provided the means for me---the job, the income, the provisions---whatever it may be---so questioning God's provision feels wrong. Finances is something that I never want to be consumed with because I know how it can completely control people----and thus they become slaves of what they want.
I can live happily with very little. Having abundance is something I thank God for every day---because He is a God of more than enough. I don't have to go on this trip--but I feel like it would be a good opportunity--and I know that God takes delight in me and that which I take delight in.
I just want to make sure I'm being a good steward of that which he has given me. Just because He has provided for me, doesn't mean that I have permission to go live frivolously. I want to live intentionally.
I want this trip to Mammoth to have purpose. I want this trip to be an investment into relationships. I want to find a way to bless the people I encounter on my trip just as God has blessed me. I want to sew what I've reaped----sounds backwards a bit---but if I've reaped juicy yummy fruit from many people that came before me---so I want to plant the seeds of that fruit so others can take pleasure in delicious fruit as well.
It's a process that I'm learning about--but I don't ever want to feel entitled to that which I've been given in the past. It is a gift---and I am forever thankful for my inheritance---I'm not talking specifically about finances here although it plays it role---but my inheritance of the life I've been given in general: the community established for me, the breakthrough of my ancestors, the culture of honor establish, ect---many of these things others laid the foundations for, and I got to live in the building they worked hard and sacrificed to build. I don't want to take it for granted---I want to steward the building and make it successful and purposeful. To bless people with it, and to help it prosper even more. Okay, so this is an odd metaphor, but I just dislike how many of the people in my generation, including me, take so much for granted because everything has been handed to us on a silver platter. It time we start stewarding that which we've been given.
So, going off on my tangent, I just want to make sure that me going on a trip isn't being frivolous and irresponsible. I honestly don't even know what is going to happen on this trip, but I feel the grace to go. So it's an adventure where I can be intentional in investing in others. I am excited to see how God uses me this week! Here I come Mammy!
Faith vs. disbelief
Browsing my blog, I find it fascinating how much I've changed in such a short period of time. Even my perspectives on recent challenges are changing.
The heart-ache seems so distant---and the peace in my soul is so evident.
I had a conversation with an Agnostic friend the other day where I found myself content with the conversation. I used to be frustrated in conversations about religion because they always seem so circular---but this conversation was different.
Having been on both ends of the spectrum--- Christian and Agnostic (I was border-line Atheist for a period of time)--- and having studied and researched religions and lack there of---this is what I've found:
I cannot prove God exists. Philosophers hate this---but I can not even logically deduct that God is real. Studying history--I am extremely irritated by the christian church for it's instances of corruption.
However, if I could logically prove God exists, there would be no such thing as faith. Studying history, I can also find negative stories about highly significant world changers--like Abraham Lincoln or John F. Kennedy--but it doesn't change what they did/who they are.
You can debate logic and philosophy forever if you'd like---but there is more to intelligence than academia--there is also something called emotional intelligence. The Ancient Greeks even realized that we need to have a balance in our mind, body, and spirit. Not just our mind people!
So hear me out...
What I noticed most about being on both ends of the spectrum was my emotional state---which I believe was reflecting my spirit.
When I was in disbelief of God, when I thought believing in God was causing me to be "close minded"--- My soul was in constant torment. I was smoking weed, drinking til I blacked out, hooking up with guys, shutting myself off emotionally, taking amphetamines---subconsciously trying everything and anything to escape the torment I was in.
It wasn't until I felt that I was broken beyond repair--that I began to cry out to a God that I had long ago given up on.
One day, when I was incredibly sick with nausea and fever (I was often sick during that period of time in my life), I told God I would quit drinking and smoking if He would make me well.
BAM. Literally in that instant---I was 100% better.
The period of time in my life when I believe wholeheartedly in God---There is an unexplainable peace in my soul. I once again see purpose in my life. I once again feel passionate and complete.
Obviously there as still trials and tribulations---but the inner peace I feel helps me to face the challenges with excitement and determination.
Maybe someday I will discover that I was wrong to believe in God, but I will not sabotage the peace I have that surpasses all understanding when I trust in Him. I never want to go back to the torment I was in.
I chose to live by faith, even if it means looking beyond reason.
The heart-ache seems so distant---and the peace in my soul is so evident.
I had a conversation with an Agnostic friend the other day where I found myself content with the conversation. I used to be frustrated in conversations about religion because they always seem so circular---but this conversation was different.
Having been on both ends of the spectrum--- Christian and Agnostic (I was border-line Atheist for a period of time)--- and having studied and researched religions and lack there of---this is what I've found:
I cannot prove God exists. Philosophers hate this---but I can not even logically deduct that God is real. Studying history--I am extremely irritated by the christian church for it's instances of corruption.
However, if I could logically prove God exists, there would be no such thing as faith. Studying history, I can also find negative stories about highly significant world changers--like Abraham Lincoln or John F. Kennedy--but it doesn't change what they did/who they are.
You can debate logic and philosophy forever if you'd like---but there is more to intelligence than academia--there is also something called emotional intelligence. The Ancient Greeks even realized that we need to have a balance in our mind, body, and spirit. Not just our mind people!
So hear me out...
What I noticed most about being on both ends of the spectrum was my emotional state---which I believe was reflecting my spirit.
When I was in disbelief of God, when I thought believing in God was causing me to be "close minded"--- My soul was in constant torment. I was smoking weed, drinking til I blacked out, hooking up with guys, shutting myself off emotionally, taking amphetamines---subconsciously trying everything and anything to escape the torment I was in.
It wasn't until I felt that I was broken beyond repair--that I began to cry out to a God that I had long ago given up on.
One day, when I was incredibly sick with nausea and fever (I was often sick during that period of time in my life), I told God I would quit drinking and smoking if He would make me well.
BAM. Literally in that instant---I was 100% better.
The period of time in my life when I believe wholeheartedly in God---There is an unexplainable peace in my soul. I once again see purpose in my life. I once again feel passionate and complete.
Obviously there as still trials and tribulations---but the inner peace I feel helps me to face the challenges with excitement and determination.
Maybe someday I will discover that I was wrong to believe in God, but I will not sabotage the peace I have that surpasses all understanding when I trust in Him. I never want to go back to the torment I was in.
I chose to live by faith, even if it means looking beyond reason.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Faithfulness and Grace
I think I need to write when I feel inspired. I felt inspired to write earlier today---but I was in the middle of a project so I put writing off until tonight---and now I feel completely uninspired. It's quite odd.
Ah, wait, I remember.
Grace. That's it.
Monday I received and unexpected phone call.
"Hey Elise, I was wondering if you would be interested in being apart of our leadership team for our relationship group for single people....." (Or something similar)
Who, me? That was my internal reaction.
How did I ever get considered to be one of the few leaders for this quite prestigious project? I thought.
She hardly knows me---the woman is putting on this class for people in our church. She is VERY well known in the church---Her husband and her are councilors and leaders of relationship classes.
For those of you who don't know---the church I occasionally attend is quite large with a ministry school of approximately 1200 students.
This project has nothing to do with the ministry school---but I was extremely flattered that out of the masses of people to be chosen for this leadership position---I was chosen....How can that be?
I haven't gone to the ministry school. I'm a "no year". I met the main leader maybe once---and hung out with her sons maybe three times. Basically---I thought from the outside I didn't appeared qualified at all---and how in the world could she know how much I've grown on the inside?
Well one reason I believe is that one of my good friends might have recommended me--whom I'm extremely thankful for. But I know I owe all the glory to God because I believe that He opened this door--He aligned the relationships, and He is the one who told me to trust Him. He has proven Himself faithful every time and I am more than excited for what the future holds.
A few weeks ago I was unsure what I was going to do this next semester---I was eager for more connections with my sister leaving for Colorado--having one less person around for support-- in the Ding---we all are in need lots of support.
So basically it's always incredible to be "promoted" not by our own works---but by trusting God. I did not earn this leadership position, I did not ask for it---It is entirely because of God's grace for His kiddo in whom He adores---that's me! =) He knows me soo well too---this position is right up my alley in an area I love---relationships!!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path"--The Bible (i forget where exactly--proverbs i think---I love proverbs)
Ah, wait, I remember.
Grace. That's it.
Monday I received and unexpected phone call.
"Hey Elise, I was wondering if you would be interested in being apart of our leadership team for our relationship group for single people....." (Or something similar)
Who, me? That was my internal reaction.
How did I ever get considered to be one of the few leaders for this quite prestigious project? I thought.
She hardly knows me---the woman is putting on this class for people in our church. She is VERY well known in the church---Her husband and her are councilors and leaders of relationship classes.
For those of you who don't know---the church I occasionally attend is quite large with a ministry school of approximately 1200 students.
This project has nothing to do with the ministry school---but I was extremely flattered that out of the masses of people to be chosen for this leadership position---I was chosen....How can that be?
I haven't gone to the ministry school. I'm a "no year". I met the main leader maybe once---and hung out with her sons maybe three times. Basically---I thought from the outside I didn't appeared qualified at all---and how in the world could she know how much I've grown on the inside?
Well one reason I believe is that one of my good friends might have recommended me--whom I'm extremely thankful for. But I know I owe all the glory to God because I believe that He opened this door--He aligned the relationships, and He is the one who told me to trust Him. He has proven Himself faithful every time and I am more than excited for what the future holds.
A few weeks ago I was unsure what I was going to do this next semester---I was eager for more connections with my sister leaving for Colorado--having one less person around for support-- in the Ding---we all are in need lots of support.
So basically it's always incredible to be "promoted" not by our own works---but by trusting God. I did not earn this leadership position, I did not ask for it---It is entirely because of God's grace for His kiddo in whom He adores---that's me! =) He knows me soo well too---this position is right up my alley in an area I love---relationships!!
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path"--The Bible (i forget where exactly--proverbs i think---I love proverbs)
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Purpose
I used to think my thoughts were worthless
I used to think my mind was dull
I used to think my opinion powerless
I used to believe that I was small
I used to think my options were limited
I used to think I had nothing to give
I used to think I was inhibited
That was before I learned how to live
To live is to know that you were created
To reveal something that no one else can
To get out what inside of you is inflated
Is what He devised as the plan
I used to think my mind was dull
I used to think my opinion powerless
I used to believe that I was small
I used to think my options were limited
I used to think I had nothing to give
I used to think I was inhibited
That was before I learned how to live
To live is to know that you were created
To reveal something that no one else can
To get out what inside of you is inflated
Is what He devised as the plan
Friend of inspiration
Friends
We have some that are there for the moments.
And others that are there for the journey.
Speaking of friends---
I was blessed to be able to meet up with one of my childhood favs--
Her and I became best "buds" in 8th grade---and although she moved 12 hours away after 8th grade graduation--we've kept in touch and stayed best friends all these years---despite our individual changes and growths.
She is an incredible gal. One in 6.8 billion. I've never met anyone like her.
Her faith is stunning. Her love is radient. Her heart is pure. Her mind is powerful.
She is studying to become a doctor at one of the top schools in California--and will most like serve as a missionary doctor in a 3rd world country. She has a heart for those in dire need.
She took a semester abroad in Africa---and her adventurous spirit is brilliantly beautiful.
I'm am so blessed to have an incredible friend like her that is there for the journey.
We have some that are there for the moments.
And others that are there for the journey.
Speaking of friends---
I was blessed to be able to meet up with one of my childhood favs--
Her and I became best "buds" in 8th grade---and although she moved 12 hours away after 8th grade graduation--we've kept in touch and stayed best friends all these years---despite our individual changes and growths.
She is an incredible gal. One in 6.8 billion. I've never met anyone like her.
Her faith is stunning. Her love is radient. Her heart is pure. Her mind is powerful.
She is studying to become a doctor at one of the top schools in California--and will most like serve as a missionary doctor in a 3rd world country. She has a heart for those in dire need.
She took a semester abroad in Africa---and her adventurous spirit is brilliantly beautiful.
I'm am so blessed to have an incredible friend like her that is there for the journey.
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