Ready, set, GO!

I feel strong, confident, equipped, and prepared. I feel as if the Lord has been strengthening me in multiple areas of my life, and although at times I've felt all but broken, I feel as if he is building me back up. My foundation has been solidified so that I can accommodate growth and expansion.  I feel as if my heart knows I ready more than my head. I find myself surprised at how "grown-up" I am now. It's weird, I honestly do feel different now that I am 21. I feel as if I'm stepping into something greater--a greater privilege and responsibility. Its amazing to see how much I've grown when I look back and realize I am no longer an insecure high schooler trying to be cool and "accepted". Knowing your identity gives you solidity, confidence, hope, excitement.

I feel as if this past year has been a crash Kingdom course. It's been quite a journey following the Spirit and going through times of wrestling with God. I think I have a new understanding of Him that I never had before. He has taken me to deeper levels of intimacy and it's incredible to look back and see the growth. I feel as if there is a deeper level of trust between God and I. Trust is built from truth exchanged. I have been honest and vulnerable with God--yes, he already knows everything about me, but being able to no longer try and hide things from Him allows Him to enter in. In exchange I feel as if He has revealed more of His nature to me--thus truth has been exchanged and mutual trust is built.Yes, He trusts me and my heart and I no longer have to question if following my heart is the "right" thing to do--He's given me permission to chase after my heart's desires. It's truly an oddity to feel connected to the Creator the Universe, but that is the essence of His nature--He made us relational. 

It's kind of exciting because I feel a freedom to be myself and stop trying to fix everything wrong with me--It's a time to embrace the fullness of who He is and who He has made me to be. I don't want to be caught up in the details--they will come--I will grow--I will be sharpened--I am teachable---but it's OKAY to make mistakes! haha. Knowing that it is okay to mess up, gives me the freedom to step out and RISK. That is what I love about adventure...there is always risk involved.

I really want to step into this new season and live vulnerably so that I can love well. I don't want to let fear keep me from the fullness. I am excited to see where Holy Spirit takes me in this next season. I love putting my Trust in Him...He is ALWAYS faithful.

So I hear I am Papa, let me be a vessel of your faithfulness and love. Thanks for being such a great Dad!! I'm ready to chase after Your heart!

The gift of LISTENING

Listening is such a gift to those whom you are listening to. Lately I have noticed multiple people around me who are genuinely listening to what I am saying---and not just active listening---but empathic listening. It's incredible how understood I feel when people are genuinely listening with intent. It's almost surprising when you realize someone is truly listening when you are used to people who are "multi-task" listeners--it definitely caught me off guard.

I want to be a better listener. Recently I noticed that listening is not one of my greatest strengths(to say the least), and it's somewhat irritating. It's beyond listening---it's remembering that I truly struggle with.

An extraordinary amount of information has been squished into my brain over the years and it sometimes feels as if my capacity to retain more information is maxed out. Obviously this is far from the truth, but I have conditioned my brain to cram and barf....so this vicious cycle needs to stop.

I feel like it's in line with attaining over-all health too. A bulimic brain just can't be good for you.

Thus, I am going to practice genuinely listening this week and try to be intentional about listening and REMEMBERING! It such a gift when others listen and remember what I have to say, so I hope I can also give that gift to those around me.

Anticipation

Here I am. I can feel transition peeking over the edge waiting to fall full force into my lap.

It is an exciting, yet excruciating time. Anxiety is an enemy of mine.

I know it's going to be an incredible adventure, but my heart is hesitant. It's so accustom to hiding inside the barrier I've built that it is unsure how to respond to the rays of light shine through the cracks. Yes, the barrier is slowly being broken down, and my heart is craving to leap in the sunlight, but its always been told to wait a little longer...and waiting still it must.

Stepping into dreams is a wild reality.  There is still so much I don't understand and that I don't have resolved but I'm learning to let go and let God. I know He's leading me every step of the way and my heart delights in the journey. Listening to my heart I can tell that it is in the right place and it is going in the right direction.

Part of me still feels unprepared for what awaits. I know that God will give me the grace for what He has called me to, but it can be overwhelming looking at tomorrow's challenge with only today's grace.

The acceleration is exhilarating but definitely uncomfortable! Here I am zooming full speed ahead and I hardly have time to catch my breath! I know this is right, so there is no reason to stop--but there is definitely a momentum that is carrying me and everything in me hopes that what I've learned has properly prepared me for what I am stepping into---because I don't want to sink! haha.

I know I'm ready. I know I'm ready. This is what I've been dreaming of---and here I am taking my first steps towards my dreams!


Thanks Jesus that your grace is enough! You are sooooo faithful!