Ashamed

Why am I feeling this pain?

I'm so thankful for my life.

I'm so thankful for the people in my life.

I love people. People motivate me. People Inspire me. People move me.

I have an eclectic group of friends. It's really hard to combine them at times.

It's interesting when you get together with people you were close with for a period of time in your life...and now you've all completely changed....so what does "hanging out" look like now?

It's so easy to go back to the way things used to be, but I am a new me. I have integrity.

I could sit here and look and the things I've done wrong in my life. I can criticize myself and look at all the areas in which I fall short in my relationships and personal growth. But I'm sick of that. I'm sick at focusing on my short-comings.

I am doing the best I can. Yeah, there is always room for improvement. I really wish my friends would confront me on areas I need to improve, because I know I am my own worst critic. I need outside perspective. Words of affirmation are always nice.

It's exhausting trying to be perfect. I feel like I'm trying to do that again--and I don't want to. It's my fall-back approach to life.

I feel like I need a confidence booster. I realize I'm seeking out approval from people again, and it sucks. Why can't I just realize I'm awesome and live it out? Like I know I am, but it's super nice to hear it. lol.

Insecurity sucks. I thought I was over this. I thought I knew who I was. Lord, why do we so easily forget? Why am I so easily discouraged?

I'm spreading myself too thin again. Trying to do everything for everyone and I end up doing nothing for anyone.

I really just have this desire to be excellent at what is good and innocent of evil.

I want to love people like they've never been loved before.

I want to be all that God has created me to be and open the door for others to do the same.

I don't want to be insecure. Being with my old high school friends brought up a lot of feelings from the past---ugh! It bothers me. I just want to be me and not confined to their pre-conceived ideas of who I am. 

God, help me as I walk through this season of my life. Direct my path, and help me to draw closer to you. I can't take this back and forth crap---I need my theology and reality to collide. I need my heart and mind to cooperate. Lord, you've fashioned me in a way that is completely different than any other person on this planet. I'm so thankful for my individual calling in life. Lord, help me to walk in confidence and compassion, love and peace, hope and health.

Father, heal my heart. Take away my pain. Forgive my wrongs. Direct my path.

Thanks Dad that I am still qualified.