Ruined

Ruined. Today I felt I was ruined. God where are you? My heart cried.

It's intriguing how we are most vulnerable after we receive breakthrough in our lives.

Waking up this morning was more difficult than it should be to awaken to a beautiful day. I was dragging. God what's wrong with me?

I dreamed of food that I couldn't eat. I was trying to enjoy my meal with one of my friends but they kept moving around. "what the matter?" she asked me.
"I'm just really hungry and I want to eat my food." I replied. Then the alarm clock rang---beep beep beep. Snooze. (five minutes later)--beep beep beep. Snooze. (again)--- beep beep beep.

ugh. I need to wake up.

Another 10 hour night of sleep. Is that normal? My mind flooded with things I wanted to do today and I couldn't decided where to start. God give me grace.
As I was getting dressed my phone rang---"Hey Mom!" I answered.

"Sweetie, did you get your passport yet?" She asked.

"Oh, shoot, no, I need to do that still" I said with forlorn.

"You need to do that today or else you won't get it back in time for our trip"

"okay" I replied.

Change of plans.

Frustration.

God change my attitude. God I need to hear your voice.
Silence--something never heard--

A challenging day. After the trailer hitch fell on my foot as I was helping my dad cover the boat, I had a feeling that not everything was going to go my way today. "OUCH!!" I yelped trying to hold back tears that broke through my inhibitions. That was the beginning of the tearful day.

I cried a few more times in frustration as I drove around in circles trying to navigate my way downtown and get everything together for my passport. What is the matter with me?

At home, I decided some quiet time would be good. God, what is going on? Please guide me, I need you.
My dad comes home---"Hey, what are you doing?"

"I think I need to go for a run, want to join me?"

"Hmm....I want to do something, but I like the gym"

"Why don't I meet you there---i'll run, you drive?"

"Alright, and then want to go out to dinner with me after?"

YES! My day is getting better!  "I'd love to!"

Exercising always helps me feel better. Spending time at the gym with my dad was nice. It's funny with my dad--we both want to hang out with each other, but we don't really know how. It's a little awkward sometimes because we're both so different, but I something inside me loves being around him, especially recently.

We went to Grilla Bites for dinner---what a good choice--it's open mic night! After indulging ourselves in a delicious meal we take delight in the series of performers---some astounding, others amusing. It was an obvious Bethel crowd, and the energy was inviting. I was planning on going to the Lighthouse after dinner, but being so captivated with the show, I stayed there with my dad until 10pm. I was inspired from the show and the whole car ride home I was singing at the top of my lungs. Arriving home to an empty house (my dad went to visit curtis) I continued the singing and played around on the piano and guitar for a good half hour. I felt encouraged. Maybe one day I could present something at an open mic night---if I practice--a lot. Thanks God for the fun evening I got to spend with my dad!

A hard day with a happy ending---Thanks God!