Processing

Writing is definitely a means for me to process my thoughts.

There has been a lot of excitement and promotion happening in my life these past few weeks. It's crazy how things seemed to be moving so slow just a few months ago, and then all of the sudden I'm running full speed ahead!

I'm battling nerves for all the possibilities. I literally don't have a clue how everything is going to work out, which is such an uncomfortable place for me to be in, but it forces me to put my trust in God because He is the one that got me this far, I know He's not going to abandon me.

I love planning and being prepared for the future, but sometimes it's important to let go and let God.

I'm learning a ton. I really am praying that God will give me the grace to be me in full capacity. I have a tendency to at times be fearful of being myself or being vulnerable. Typically because I am afraid of being rejected. It's that thought of "if people really knew me....the deepest parts that no one sees...if they only knew...would they still love me?" Yet, it's a tension because one of my greatest desire in my relationships is to be fully known--because that is the only way to be fully loved---which i believe is what every person truly desires.

So a huge part of overcoming this "fear" of rejection, is being able to see myself how He see's me. To know that I am fully loved and fully accepted just as I am. Without having to perform or be something extraordinary---just being plain old Elise---and knowing that he loves me just the same. He's been showing me this a ton over the past few months, it's just really believing it---and truly receiving it. Also, not living by the approval and "praises" of humanity---because than I'll be at the mercy of their criticism. Just owning my identity....knowing that He is the only one that defines me. This is such simple basic stuff---but at the same time it's so profound....and it will never be irrelevant.

So to end this blog.....I am processing. I am super stoked on life and I know God is doing a ton of rad stuff. It craazy to look back at myself last year and see how far I've come. Most of my growth and "achievements" so-to-speak have been internal and in the secret place this last year. I feel like the trimming that God did in my life was SOOOO essential for the season I'm stepping into. As dorky and maybe arrogant as this sounds, I am so proud of the decisions I've made this last year and my desire to seek after God's heart and choosing to trust in Him. Its funny how when your going the right direction your spirit just knows it and leaps with joy every step of the way. Trusting my own heart has been so essential in my journey. He gave me this heart and so learning to listen to it has been so wise. 

If I had one word of advice to give to the next generation it would be:

Learn to know your heart and never violate it---always listen to it.

"Above all else, Guard your heart...for from it flow the well springs of life..."

Your heart is connected with your spirit. It knows more than your mind can comprehend.